Saturday, July 5, 2008

I, dwarf

As usual, Ed Hollett is quicker than yours truly on actually putting things on the internet with real relevance and import to things that matter.

But anything related to Ray Guy bears repeating, naturally.

It is always good form to pay occasional homage to the giants upon whose shoulders we stand.

Friday, July 4, 2008

We Are (not) Devo!

The Order of Canada is the centrepiece of Canada’s honours system and recognizes a lifetime of outstanding achievement, dedication to the community and service to the nation. The Order recognizes people in all sectors of Canadian society. Their contributions are-



Just for argument's sake, sir, let's imagine for a second that abortion isn't a hot-button issue for millions of Canadians who define themselves and their political identities entirely around opposition to the subject. Let's also imagine that federal elections are not decided by single-issue swing voters who put the issue of abortion above every other issue facing Canadians every day.

I trust this shouldn't be very hard.

No, let's get right down to the utmost basic flaw that permeates every discussion of abortion (and a host of other issues) that has ever taken place all across recorded history.

Are we not men, Mr. Doyle?

Could be possible that - maybe, just maybe - the fact that we are physiologically precluded from ever experiencing an unwanted pregnancy, and any of the accompanying issues, mean that the issue of abortion is entirely a woman's issue?

Could it be that regardless of our respective opinions on abortion, whether "pro-life" or "pro-choice", and no matter the validity of our points, we should both butt out of the discussion because it is fundamentally not our issue, and never will be our issue, in any way, shape, or form save the very periphery of a woman's consideration?

Dr. Henry Morgentaler did not dedicate his life to pontificating on the glories of abortions, nor did he dedicate his life attempting to subvert the moral fabric of Canadian society in an effort to increase 'business' in some nebulous abortion 'industry.' Dr. Morgentaler was simply the most vocal actor for the only real role any man has to play in the issue of abortion - that it should be left entirely up to women, the only people on earth even physically capable of having an abortion, to safely and legally choose what they want to do with their bodies.

Frankly, the only controversy that should be surrounding Dr. Morgentaler's induction into the Order of Canada is why it took so long to happen.

This is not your war, Mr. Doyle. It's not mine, and it's not Patrick Hanlon's; it is not the field of anyone who produces sperm. It is for women - and only women - to decide, for or against, "life" or "choice", and this is understood by anyone who isn't trapped inside an intellectual prison of latent sexism and regressive social attitudes.

Kindly get out of politics, sir. You - and all men like you - are an embarrassment to your constituents and an affront to any Canadian with a working moral compass.

Thursday, July 3, 2008

The Richard Raleigh Spin/Approval Matrix

Apparently, according to a local political scientist, Tom Rideout's exodus from politics won't hurt Danny Williams politically.


All the real political scientists at MUN must have been out on summer vacation or writing some esoteric journal articles they could later tout smugly at academic conferences, because Mr. Temelini doesn't really seem to have any deep or poignant insight to offer on the topic.

To anyone who has been paying attention to provincial politics since 2005, this development isn't really a surprise; if the findings of the Cameron Inquiry didn't make the Premier's approval rating falter on its ascension to 90+, then his cartoonishly villainous attempts to discredit the process probably should have. Naturally, of course, this didn't happen, because that would make sense, and this is Newfoundland and Labrador.

This leaves us with only one reasonable thought on the topic: if none of this will hurt the Premier's poll ratings, what will?

Allow me to soothe all your curiousities - in harkening back to the skills I learned as a young, wide-eyed and idealistic political science undergraduate, I have constructed this handy reference list. These conclusions are highly scientific so feel free to cite them in casual or professional conversation, as the knowledge they imparts will make you the envy of your friends and co-workers!


SCANDAL: Danny Williams steals candy from small child and/or infant
EFFECT: Child spun as to be from the mainland and the candy was Purity brand, Premier seen as standing up to the feds and getting 'our fair share', approval rating +2%

SCANDAL: Danny Williams crosses floor at the House of Assembly, punches out Roland Butler
EFFECT: Premier seen across the province as "total badass", young children abandon backyard wrestling to re-enact Question Period thus creating new generation of career politicians, clip appears on YouTube overdubbed with the solo from Metallica's "One"; approval rating goes to 99%

SCANDAL: Danny Williams revealed to worship Satan and perform ritual human sacrifice
EFFECT: Premier uses dark magicks to erase the memories of everyone in the province like an arcane version of the flashing stick in Men In Black, approval rating still goes up 1%

SCANDAL: Danny Williams' Viper runs red light, kills cyclist
EFFECT: Running red light spun as the Premier always working on a go-forward basis for the people of this province, killing a cyclist with luxury car spun as not allowing development of properous oil industry to be hampered by burdensome environmental regulations; approval +6%

SCANDAL: Danny Williams involved in sex scandal with subordinate(s)
EFFECT: Approval ratings increase in accordance to how public ranks the woman in question on a scale of 1-10; an increase of at least 8% is assumed

SCANDAL: John Efford becomes leader of the Liberals
EFFECT: Premier's approval ratings drop drastically as people realise Efford would be a greahahahahahaha I can't even finish this sentence

Rick Hillier, if you're reading this, yes, I am interested in becoming the new head of Memorial's political science department, thank you for asking!