Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Un-Happy Birthday

I don't understand how anyone could possibly say anything about today that is even remotely positive.

Fifty-nine years ago, Joey "Stalin" Smallwood cemented his victory over the people of this province and officially put the last nail in the coffin of Newfoundland and Labrador as we sold ourselves into the servitude of the self-serving politicians in Ottawa, the fiendishly arrogant French Canadians and the greedy plutocrats in Alberta, all of whom regard us as either a joke or a resource to be exploited.

It was our darkest day as a people; unlike the battle of Beaumont-Hamel, there were no free and independent Newfoundlanders left standing when the smoke cleared on April Fool's Day, 1949.

HOW COULD YOU HAVE MADE SUCH A TERRIBLE DECISION SIX DECADES AGO, NEWFOUNDLANDERS? YOU WOULD SELL OUT A VAGUE AND AMBIGUOUS NOTION OF "HISTORY" AND "CULTURE" FOR SOMETHING SO SILLY AS A HIGHER QUALITY OF LIFE AND INCREASING YOUR LIFE EXPECTANCY BEYOND THE AGE OF 32? I AM SO MAD ABOUT THIS EVENT WHICH OCCURRED BEFORE I WAS BORN THAT I AM TYPING IN ALL CAPS IN ORDER TO CONVEY THAT IF I WAS ACTUALLY TALKING I WOULD BE YELLING (BECAUSE I AM SO MAD).

So if you'll excuse me, I'm off to spend the rest of the day mourning the advent of social programs, economic development and increased standards of living, proper medical services to those dying of tuberculosis in the outports, and breaking the power of the self-serving, arrogant and greedy plutocratic merchants who ran the show out of St. John's.

Way to screw us over, Joey.

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

You fool. If we were a separate country imagine how much more Equalization we could generate on our own.

I suppose someone in Ottawa pays you to write this drivel

Anonymous said...

Think of all the federal government jobs we would have as the Federal Republic of Newfoundland Labrador!!!

R. Raleigh said...

I can absolutely guarantee that if Ottawa was paying me to write this blog, it would actually be legitimately entertaining.

nadinebc said...

People need to leave Canada and live and work elsewhere for a year- to really understand how good we have got it.

Simon Lono said...

Amen Brother R., Amen.

WJM said...

I can absolutely guarantee that if Ottawa was paying me to write this blog, it would actually be legitimately entertaining.

Yeah, because we all know how hilarious Air Farce and Doub-Doub-Double Exposure were.

Anonymous said...

If we joined Europe, they'd pay us because we're like Ireland. I read that. We really missed the boat. We should have a referendum and threaten to leave Canada and get a better deal somewhere else. You're so naive.

Anonymous said...

They'd pay us just for being there? Kind of like workmen's comp or EI? Hot fucking damn, where do I vote?